Over the weekend, I replaced a shower head. No problem, right? I even found the tape with the note to tape in reverse on the threads. I am so bad ass. I’m going to plumb. I replace the shower head, I turn on the water, it’s all good. Cue my Monday morning shower….you guessed it. Leakage. I’m quite sure in all my radiant independence it just needs tightened. *crack* *sigh* Now it’s spraying on the wall. Monday, really, what did I expect?
Because in my home repair zeal I failed to use the ‘extra’ seal ring on the connection to the source, I over tightened and cracked the threads off a metal pipe. My bad. Time to pay the piper….literally.
So I texted my neighbor before I left for work this morning. I am required to endure suggestive and inappropriate conversation for assistance, but he’s handy(not handsy) and he fixes things properly:
Me: I think I cracked the pipe the shower head attaches to trying to swap it out.
Neighbor: You need pipe? I can help, I think the plumbers handbook suggests you should hand me tools while testing the absorbency of white cotton and not wearing a bra.
Me: You know it’s not going down like that.
Neighbor: I’m not helping if you are going to be sour. I know it’s not going down like that.
Me: Right now, you are focusing on the phrase ‘going down’. Lol.
Neighbor: Text me when you get home. I’ll bring gloves, in case I need to do an emergency insertion, oops, I mean inspection. Lol.
Me: *sigh* A plumber may be cheaper after all…
So he comes over this evening with a little bucket of tools and a spare pipe, because he’s ‘that guy’. I’m thinking I need to get a new pipe, cut the wall, and swap this piece out for CPVC. Nope.
Me: Leave it to me to screw up a head swap. There you go. I said screw and head. It’s like paying you twice.
Neighbor: *lewd hand gestures explaining how pipes fit together*
Me: Ok, bring your pipe along, you know, I broke the last one I got my hands on.
Neighbor: *assesses situation* Yup, I really need to give you some new pipe.
Me: *does not want to tear out the wall, forgets all about the necessary game of double entendre* Oh crap, do I need to get a drywall saw? Should I pull out the stove? (My bathroom plumbing access is a big hole in the wall in the kitchen behind the stove, of course, because that makes sense.) *swears like a sailor*
Neighbor: *unscrews fucking pipe from wall like a bottle cap* *laughs maniacally*
Me: Are you fucking kidding me?
Neighbor: *laughs maniacally* That will be $150. *laughs maniacally*
Me: That pipe just screws out of the wall? I think I just paid you overtime.
He fixed that shit in five minutes and had the part I needed. No glue. No cutting broken pipe. No ‘we have to swap that for CPVC and glue the ever loving shit out of it’.
Me: *shakes head* *cries for all she does not already know*
Neighbor: Damn, I forgot my bill pad.
Me: I’ve said pipe and screw in at least ten different inappropriate variations in ten minutes, you owe me time.
Me: I’m putting this whole exchange on FB later.
Life is short, Run With Scissors