I love a good argument. Not just the Monty Python skit, but the real life argument. I’m not talking about the heated trading of fuck you’s and accusations, but rather the discussion with two clear sides debated passionately and intelligently with no attempt to change opinions. I love opposing sides and I’ll often play devil’s advocate. I don’t want to change your mind; I want to play out the least popular side. I want to know where all path’s lead. I’ve been pretty one sided on the topic of online dating, so there is a tiny bit of the other side at the end here. You will have to read through some of my usual dating sucks crap. Enjoy.
This is a rebuttal of sorts, although it won’t sound that way early on. I have several friends, married or happily dating that met online. I swore I was giving it up after the recap I posted a month ago. Turns out, I lied.
I ended up re-subscribing and the WTF’s picked up right where they left off. The cream rising to the top was a guy who flipped out and called me every name in the book while attacking my character without knowing much at all about me. Fight club, actually, got back in touch, so I asked him what he did for a living. That’s it. What do you do for a living? That’s all I needed to do to start a diatribe; I must be a spoiled rotten horse owning clueless cunt because he doesn’t have a fancy job and I should take my wrinkly, cigarette smoking, ugly ass and move on. His words, not mine. That’s right. Kiss your momma with that mouth?
For obvious reasons, I reported him, blocked him and canceled my subscription. I sat and wondered for a bit if there is anyone on earth who knows me and doesn’t think I’m too picky or too unreasonable about dating. On the flip side, do I seem too desperate when I find a nice guy to spend time with because I am a one at a time, try my best kind of girl? I mean, seriously, I’ve been single for ten years; is it really just me? Am I subconsciously communicating in a hostile manner? Is making a reasonable effort to keep in touch and making time to get to know someone a display of desperate behavior? I wonder if I’ve morphed into the epitome of Seinfeld, haunted by my own man hands and finding fault in everyone I meet, always teetering on the brink of sending my Elaine into the steam room to make sure his dick is real. Of course, that’s not the fucking case at all.
If you have a friend who has been single a long time and you can’t help but think she/he brings the trouble and loneliness on themselves, reread two paragraphs back. Maybe you never had experiences like that, or maybe you are willing to tolerate more bullshit than the next girl. Wanting the right thing for yourself doesn’t mean you are too picky and appreciating it when you find it doesn’t make you too desperate. Unless you are truly a ‘How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days’ type, in which case you should get some help, high five yourself if you’re holding out and continue to make an effort when you meet someone nice. Let people judge your emotional craziness as they will, because you have no idea what they are willing to tolerate to avoid being alone. Get what you want or adopt some cats, but fuck settling for less than you’re worth.
I did promise a bit of a rebuttal, so here goes. Now she employs brevity, because just get on with it already.
I still had a month paid, so I left my profile active. I did change it to the most sarcastic, ridiculous description of myself I could think up and ended it with, ‘I’ll know him when I find him, or I’ll just adopt a colony of feral cats’.
I check a couple times a week now, and I still get shitty emails and the like. I’m also pretty sure Jerry Garcia is still alive and he thinks I’m the shit. He winked at me. Boom.
Rebuttal, right. I actually met someone in person and he did not axe murder me, call me names or push me into oncoming traffic. He looked like his pictures. He brought me a rose. He’s intelligent and nice. No idea what will happen, but today I start my week feeling a little less jaded and a little bit lighter. Cheers to the nice guys! We know you are out there. We just wish you weren’t buried in a deep, steaming pile of WTF.
All the rest of you can fuck off.
Runs With Scissors