It’s probably been a year since I posted anything. Looking back at my some of my notes, I had at least two more Dating Files posts in the works. One should and could be revamped into a post on farm life and I’ll probably do that. The other would’ve been the last in a long line of whiny ass, I hate online dating and need to shame another asshole posts you’ve all grown to know and love.
I can’t believe I’m about to tell you all that bullshit was worth it, but here we go.
I met the right guy. There are a few things I want all the ‘still singles’ out in the land of virtual suck and blow to know.
First, the whole beginning was easy. The conversation, the dates, the in between, all of it was easy. I don’t mean two dollar whore easy; I mean cool summer evening in the hammock with your favorite book easy. There was no wondering, no stress and no anxiety from one date to the next. We both seemed to know where we were at and what we wanted from dating. We communicated those things with little effort and the process was enjoyable. Stop making excuses and sticking with anything that isn’t. Early difficulty is a true and plain sign a situation is not meant for you. I had a hard time with this.
Second, he left his profile up a month or two longer than I did. I hid mine after about a month of exclusive dating. He was still sometimes online, but he never went on dates with anyone else after we met. Let’s face it ladies, most of us are amateur hackers and most of check up on anyone we’ve met online, because DUH. Most of us have been played a time or three if we are dating online, so it’s easy to view a continued online presence as a play and bolt like a horse on a ground bee nest. If the beginning hadn’t flowed so easily, and I hadn’t known what he was thinking, I would have disappeared faster than cake in front of a fat kid when his profile didn’t come down within a week or two of mine. I can’t be the only one that feels this way, but in this instance, I would’ve missed out on a great thing if I had been punchy about the red flag of WTF are you still doing with a profile…
Third, there were things about our situation that scared me. I couldn’t tick off all the items on my mental list of the perfect partner. I bet he couldn’t either. The take away here is simple. Ditch the list. Don’t walk around smashing everyone you meet into the mold you’ve imagined your ideal partner should fit in. You never know what awesome experiences you might miss while you are busy checking things off your list.
And last, my best experience was born from the most brutally honest version of my profile I could muster. I went through so many iterations, from serious, to light, to mean and somewhere in there I finally found my realest version of myself. When I threw her out there, great things happened. I didn’t need professional pics and I didn’t need to be perfect. I’ve worn makeup twice since we met and he still thinks I’m beautiful all the days I don’t. I am 100% myself in this relationship, the good, the bad, the sarcastic and the unkempt. And so is he.
My big take aways from my experiences are:
If it’s too hard in the wrong ways, it’s not for you. No matter how good it looks on paper or in your head, somewhere else there is something that will be hard in all the right ways. Boom.
If it’s not too hard in the wrong ways and the communication is open, give it a chance. Some ‘red flags’ deserve your immediate attention, others deserve your patience.
Lists are for the grocery store, not your love life. Stop imagining what he should be and find out what he is. You might be surprised. But find out safely, so you don’t accidentally get serial killed.
Be the truest version of yourself you can be when you build a profile and never ever settle for someone who doesn’t love you just as you are. You will never look airbrushed in real life.
Runs with Scissors