Dear Mother Nature,

I’ve received notice of your continued impending severe weather.  I’d like to point out that I have roughly 3 hours of clean up from last night’s storm damage completed with at least another hour of removal, in addition to the bits of winter damage still lying about I’ve yet to get to and thought I might catch up on this week.  I took time off to clean up the winter bits.

I recognize and appreciate your efforts to ensure I do not run out of firewood or logs for cross country jumps.  You’ve saved me a ton of money on firewood and kept me quite fit.  My outside jumping course grows more robust every year.  I’d give you a thumbs up for timing too, since you always seem to catch me when I’ve taken time off to work around the farm.  I must extend my sincerest thanks to you for gently laying the tree on my shed last night and not just slapping that ass.

I’ve taken a careful stock of what remains to be cleaned and accounted for your latest addition to my wood pile.  I’ve determined I have what I need to get through the winter 2014/2015.  If trees were double wides, my farm would be a trailer park. Frankly speaking, I’m falling behind trying to keep up with you and the place is looking rough.  I’m quite sure you will agree, we can’t have untidy homesteads about the land.  It’s a reflection on you as well as me, so I will have to ask kindly if you could find it in your windy, lightening littered heart to ease up on the acres until I can achieve a respectable level of clean up.

Sincerely,

The Management, Tired Ass Acres.