Monthly Archives: August 2016

To View or Not to View Part II ~ The Dating Files

More ‘viewed me’, as promised.  Guys want a girl that’s hard to get.  I think I finally screamed past impossible.  This is now a social experiment.  Stay tuned, in case I do something useful with it.

Ieatassto – That’s right you read that correctly.  And yes, he probably kisses his momma with that mouth.  And, nope.  I won’t be having late night cereal tonight.

MyLastRide – is he looking for the Thelma to his Louise, or does he want to just hump the next girl over a cliff?  Nope and nope.

Tosexyformytown – well, you’re probably TOO sexy for mine. There is TOO much nope around here.  Sidebar: this one emailed me; it read ‘I bet yr challenging’.  If Nope had a face, it would be Xena, Warrior Princess.

Rustylova – Tempting, but nope.  And now I am listening to some Shaggy…Rustylova, Rustylova….oooh boy, nope, nope, nope.

Sporlover – Do you need a flu shot to meet this guy?  Seriously, I know you probably meant sports, but SportsloverImnotcarryinganydeadlypathogens would have been a better choice.  Nope.

Whippet – Does he like svelte dogs or does he whip it good?   Nope. And nope.  And I’m listening to Devo.

TonytheTiger – He’s Nooooope!!!!  And I’m ready for some cereal after all.

Dominate911 – W. T. F. ?   I’m not even looking.  Nope.  Update:  Screen name changed to Fudge Packer, because that’s less threatening.  Pack some nope in your ass.

AwfullyHappy – this wouldn’t normally make my list, but he looks like someone is wrenching his balls in his picture.  He’s got Resting Nope Face.

StrongHands69 – Seriously?  I have some wood that needs to be cut.  And where exactly is your other strong hand in your profile pic?  Nope, don’t tell me.

Picture Book – What kind of pictures?  Are the girls alive in them?  Nope.

Loverman77 – How fucking old are we?   And I’m listening to Shaggy again…

Twisted Cloud – Is he on mushrooms?   Is he a nutjob that likes to pillow fight?  Nope, we will never know.

Peepkang – If you arrange to meet him and can’t find him, he’ll be in the bushes taking pictures of you.  Lots of them.  Just say, nope.

LoveProvider – The cellular customer you’re trying to reach cannot be located.  Please scrap any idea of trying again later.

Rightfit4me – What are we, shoes?  I have a mental image of someone sliding their foot into a vagina.  I probably shouldn’t pick on this guy, but they are already verifying photos, next it will be the size of your nope.   But that’s a whole different blog.

Pickle67 – Yes, a nope pickle.  And we all know you were hoping for Pickle69, but it was taken.

AND TONIGHT’S WINNER….drum roll, please…

screenname  – Excellent.

These screen names are taken from a legitimate, popular, vanilla online dating site, not one of the many designated ‘adult’ sites out there.

Runs With Nope


To View or Not to View ~~ The Dating Files

I needed a distraction, so I joined an online dating site.  *sigh*

While I don’t enjoy trying to meet people with a few pictures and 2500 words or less, I am starting to find some humor in it.  Take screen names for example, a relatively simple thing.  You pick a name, add some numbers if it’s taken or pick something else.  I picked a variation of an old nickname and have been accused by one profile viewer of intentionally posing as a Native American to make myself seem more exotic.  That’s been keeping me up at night, sooo I started making some notes of my first impressions of the screen names chosen by the single, forty something males who have viewed my profile.  Good times.

Trust Me – Nope, no chance of that now. The skeletons in your closet are all the same age range, height and weight.  Their hair was probably the same color as mine.  You probably still wear their shoes.  I’m going to say…nope.

321Kaboom – Is he going to want my address so he can send me a package?    I’m afraid to look…*stands behind a wall of nope.*

SugarBear – seriously, WTF? I. Just. Can’t.  But I do want a bowl of Super Sugar Crisp now.  All I have is nope.

MerrilyFriendly – merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, WTF?, nope.

SecretlyEnergetic – It’s not a secret anymore…it’s marathon of nope.

SmoothDancer – Anyone else singing Smooth Operator in their head?  Nope.

FordCars – SALESMAN.  Nope.

PastModel –  I’m singing Smooth Operator in my head again.    I HAD to look at this one.  He reminded me just a bit of a clean cut Robert Plant, and now I’m singing Whole Lotta Nope.

THEGOOD1SRFARAWAY – stop screaming and get trucking.  There is too much nope between us.

Swamp Tromper – what does one wear to an evening of tromping in a swamp?  They wear nope.

TotallyBrave – like, totally, man.  I’m going out brave you, so, nope.

OnePlusOneEqualsOne – does any smart girl want to date a guy that sucks at math?  Nope.

Imadork –  I need wine.  And some nope and crackers.

Realman4u – Is he real, or is he Memorex?  Or is he Nope?

SeriousOnlyApply – fill out this application and have seat in the lobby.  Who’s got time to be serious?  Nope.

Ohnonotyouagain – well, nope, sure isn’t.

LoveIndependents – someone is sick of paying for dates or he’s being political or he can’t spell, either way, nope.

WickedRomantic59 – Wicked big pile of nope.

energizer –  I can’t look at his picture without imagining him in a bunny suit.  And now I am thinking about Easter.  I want chocolate.  Nope.

CrazyCuddly – so, you’ll be snuggling my corpse?  Cuddle up to some warm, inviting nope.

MA THE MEATLOAF – alright, I laugh every time this guy turns up in my ‘viewed me’ list.  Cheers to you for screaming when it’s appropriate and having a sense of humor.


Runs With Scissors